How Rabbi Joshua Ben Chananyah Was Like a Teenager

The Talmud tells this story about a rabbi named Joshua ben Chananya:  One day while hurrying on his way, Rabbi Joshua ben Chananyah noticed a wheat field with a shortcut, with a path through the field which had been worn by other travelers. He began to cross the field when he saw a young girl.  “Where do you think you’re going?” she called to him. “This is my father’s field.” “I am only following a path that is already made,” the Rabbi answered. “Yes,” she responded, “but the path you are walking on was made by others who harmed the crops, just as you are doing now.”  (Talmud, Eruvin 53b)

I like this story.  It tells us about how important it is to develop personal integrity, to think for ourselves, to evaluate the consequences of our actions before we act, and to choose the best path for ourselves in life.  Cultivating these qualities and skills for ourselves is important no matter how old we are. 

Even more so for our teenagers!  Teens wrestle with these very issues of personal identity while they are in this developmental stage.  As parents and as a synagogue community, we can help our teenagers learn how to choose their own paths of integrity and independence. 

Recently, we’ve been hearing stories coming from area schools about unsafe and unhealthy relationships among teenagers.  The stories are troubling.  A growing number of middle school students are sexually active, much younger than ever before.  In addressing the Reform movement at the Union of Reform Judaism biennial convention last month, Rabbi Eric Yoffie pointed out that casual physical relationships, without any commitment to emotional relationships, are widely accepted among teens today, and teens learn that they can “get physical without getting emotional.”   He noted that “we are now witnessing changes that go far beyond the sexual experimentation of the past.”  In an age when popular culture gives our teens more sexually explicit messages than ever before, and when the Internet gives them unrestricted access to sexual material, sexual peer pressure has intensified among teens and our children are developing new attitudes toward sex that are divorced from solid values. 

And with our teens today, violence is often part of the story.  In a study of eight and ninth graders published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 25% indicated that they had been victims of dating violence, including 8% who said they had been sexually abused.  Here, girls are especially of concern; in another study of high school girls, as many as 17.8% of the 232 girls participating in the study indicated that they had been forced to engage in sexually activity against their will by a dating partner.  We’ve seen this in incidents at area schools lately.

As parents and as a synagogue community, we have to respond.  We can do so by talking with our teenagers about healthy relationships, and by helping our kids develop their sense of personal integrity and inner strength.  Jewish values teach, in Rabbi Yoffie’s words, “that sexuality is linked to blessing, commandment and God”; that each person, created in the image of God, is of infinite worth and entitled to respect; that a woman never exists to be of secondary importance to a man.  He writes that “since we are creatures of God and holiness is attained through loving relationships, sex for its own sake leads to exploitation and hurt.” 

In the story above, Rabbi Joshua is not so different our teenagers.  He, too, needed some outside help in following the rest of the crowd.  Without thinking, he was following his peers who were trampling a harmful path.   But choosing a good path, considering the consequences of our actions, and being an independent thinker, safe and secure with one’s self – these are skills that come not only with maturity and age, but with the help of parents and a supportive community.   Social workers from Jewish Family and Children’s Services “Kol Isha” (“A woman’s voice”) program, helped raise the issue of teen dating violence with our high school students in November.  They reminded us of the need to support the personal growth of our teens in all aspects of their lives, as parents and a community. 

Our congregation and our education program will continue to encourage these discussions, always including parents and the wisdom of our tradition, so that our teens will not just follow along the path others may be treading, but that they will come to value healthy relationships of goodness, respect and holiness.

Rabbi Andy Vogel